Must See TV

Summer has officially come to an end. I know this not because of the date or the temperatures or even the falling leaves. I know because of the return of football. Some men- most actually- look forward to the start of a new football season. Little league, high school, college, NFL, you name it. There's just something about the game- two teams pitted against one another in a battle of brawn, strategy, and chance- that gets the blood going.

I like football. I'm a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan and that's something that, in and of itself, doesn't make me new friends. At least not often. It takes some guts to admit to being a Cowboys fan and I should know; I've lived in the South, the Midwest, and the East. If there's one thing that unites the people in all those regions of the U.S., it's their overwhelming dislike of America's Team. Oh well. They're all just a bunch of haters.

Or so I tell myself. It make me feel better.

I like the Fall. Of all the seasons of the year, autumn is my favorite. The heat of summer is gradually receding into memory and the bitter cold of winter isn't due to arrive for several more weeks. Fall is a thing all its own, a season of transition between two extremes.

The fall brings us football and that is a good thing, but what I like even more about the fall is new television. I watch what most (my wife included) would consider to be an embarrassing amount of tv. Give me a night of the week and I can easily rattle off two, three or four shows I regularly watch or record to watch later.

Fall is like a mini-Christmas for me. Shows I know and love return all wrapped up in big, shiny season premieres. The conflicts and cliffhangers of the previous spring get wrapped up in an episode or two and new territory (hopefully) is laid out to entice me to keep watching. I also get to acquaint myself with intriguing new shows that I think have promise.

This season is no different. The networks have put a lot of money and hype behind a batch of shows they think I'll want to watch because they're the next big thing. I continue to find it funny how the next big thing always looks a lot like last season's big thing repackaged with different actors and locales. I'm also old enough and wise enough to know that the majority of these shows will be gone before the year has ended. It's a Darwinian strategy I've become all too familiar with, much like that tired old college orientation speech where I was told to look to my left and right and ponder the fact that one or both of the people I'd glanced at wouldn't be graduating with me.

The big powerhouse programs also return and I get to see if they're still as good as they were the season before. Some undoubtedly will be, but others will fall and fade into obscurity. A few shows will enter into rebuilding seasons, where talent is consolidated, staff are let go, and a new vision for the future is plotted out, all with the ultimate goal of bringing in more money.

Which shows will have what it takes to make it through the season without being canceled or put on hiatus? Which actors will be released because of disagreements with the cast, crew, or the show's executive producers? What sleeper hit will emerge as the one to watch due to casting chemistry, compelling story lines, outstanding writers, or beneficial scheduling? Only time will tell.

I guess football and fall TV have a lot more in common than I'd initially thought.

A Line in the Sand...maybe

My four year old wants a dog. Next month will usher in her 5th year of life and Phoebe has decided she wants a dog as a birthday present. Well, she wants either a dog or a Mamma Mia party.

But she doesn't want just any dog. She wants the kind that has a shrill, yippy bark and can be dressed in little doggie skirts, doggie necklaces, doggie booties and other doggie accessories. She wants a dog that, fully grown, can be placed in a purse or handbag and carried around as though it were a baby kangaroo. A very small, very baby kangaroo.

Sigh.

One thing I’ve learned in my years as a parent is that kids can be manipulative. My own little girl is no different. She has brought every weapon- every last bit of charm, resourcefulness and adorability- to bear in her Phoebe Wants a Puppy Campaign.

The strategy is simple. So simple, that nearly every child has used it: tell people not what you want, but what you are going to get. Tell them over and over again. And then, just for good measure, tell them a few more times. And so my daughter tells people she knows, people she doesn’t know, kids she’d like to know that she’s getting a doggie for her birthday. It will be a tan dog, small and cute. And she will name it Butter.

The name alone has melted the hearts of more adults than you could possibly imagine.
Never mind that we already have a dog- a beagle- named Dexter. Never mind that we already have two cats, named Sinatra and Columbus. My daughter wants a dog of her own.

There is at least one barrier standing in the way. For starters, I have allergies. I’m allergic to just about everything. No lie. If there is a substance- organic or inorganic- that can cause an allergic reaction, I’ll probably experience said reaction if I am in the vicinity of said substance. I have lots of prescribed pills, nose sprays, and eye drops, all created to keep me from becoming a sneezy, sniffly, puffy, headachy, red-eyed mess at certain inevitable seasons each year. The success rate of these medications varies, so I still end up sneezy, sniffly, puffy, headachy, and red-eyed. There are simply times when it isn’t so bad.
But, of course, I am allergic to both cats and dogs. This has not stopped my family from collecting two cats and a dog over the past 10 years- three pets more than I ever had growing up. My allergist simply shakes his head in pity and gives me a resigned sigh when he sees me during our annual visits.

The second barrier is poop. Pet poop. I hate pet poop. Especially dog or cat poop. You know how some people have weird little phobias over funny stuff like bunnies or butterflies? I have a phobia towards pet poop. Well, bats and pet poop. Well, bats, Mamma Mia birthday parties, and pet poop. Thankfully, I do not have to see bats every single day of my life and I’ve learned to make myself pretty scarce when Mamma Mia is requested for the umpteenth time this month.

I suppose I could look at this as an epic battle of the wills between what my daughter wants and what I don’t necessarily want. It isn’t. The truth is that while I’m opposed to getting another pet, I’m only mildly opposed to it. This means that I have not told my daughter that she cannot have a dog for her birthday. I tell her “maybe”. The first time she asked me what “maybe” meant, I told her it meant “maybe yes”, “maybe no”. She, as kids will, took that to mean “maybe yes” and has incorporated it into her conversations with everyone who will listen to her talk about the cute little dog she’s going to get for her birthday.

“My Daddy says maybe I can have a puppy for my birthday. He says maybe no, I can’t have a puppy, but I think it means maybe yes I can.” As the days pass by, I find my already weak resolve further diminishing. And so my wife and I will probably get my daughter the dog of her desires for her 5th birthday. Anyone know of a good pooper scooper service, preferably one that will clean up your lawn for you after your dogs have done their business?